The Decision Has Been Made!

The Decision Has Been Made!

My husband once was frustrated with me for procrastinating in making an important decision. He told me “By not making a decision, the decision has already been made”.  My husband is an extremely intelligent man but somehow I hadn’t expected him to say something so enlightening. He is a very logical person and when I take a step back to look at his ways, I see that his decision making process is quite different than mine. His always comes from a place of logic, mine without exception, from a place of emotion. And when I find myself in a situation where I must make a decision that does not make me emotionally happy, I tend to pretend that I will make a decision. I actually do a very good job of pretending, in fact I pretend so well that I even believe myself. I procrastinate and contrive great reasons for putting off my decision until unfortunately it’s too late and my choices have been taken away. It’s like saving milk in the refrigerator…the carton looks good so you ignore the expiration date but there is no mistaking expired milk, sour and disgusting. That’s when you know, time’s up! You had your chance to make a choice and now those choices have been taken away and what’s left could be quite undesirable.

Given this knowledge one might think that I would be much more gung-ho in the opportunity to finalize decisions, but the truth is, I think I am often paralyzed by the fear of making a regrettable mistake. I am just now coming to terms with the fact that the purpose of life is to make mistakes. How else can we learn? How else can we progress? How else can we appreciate when everything does go “right” (whatever “right” is!)? I’m just going to have to throw away the notion that a mistake made is something to regret. And I will have to blindfold my ego when making choices because she has a way of bullying me into falsely believing that mistakes are simply an insult to me and to her.

They say women eventually become like their mothers and guess what? My mother doesn’t like making decisions either.   She tenses up even at the thought of deciding to use yellow versus spicy mustard on a hotdog so I guess they weren’t kidding when they said the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! Sorry mom, I will go into your wonderful attributes later but I promised myself and others to keep my writing honest and authentic.

Freeze, Command, Choose, Walk. These are the four words now that I use when faced with a decision. If there is a decision you need to make that has been looming over your head like a dark cloud, give this a try. It just might help …

Freeze! Stop where you are and realize that you must make a decision. Understand clearly that if you don’t make a decision you are in reality deciding to not make a choice, and therefore, a choice will be made for you.

Command yourself to go through a logical process of making a choice. I like the word command because it reminds me that I am taking control and not allowing choices to slip through my fingers. Imagine choice A happening versus choice B (and possibly other choices). Imagine the results and consequences of those choices, weigh them against each other and make a conscious note of which is right for you.         

In my husband’s case he would probably choose the option that makes the most sense and I would probably make the choice that makes me feel happier. And by the way, don’t ignore that strange feeling that is gnawing on you like a dog does on his bone. That feeling is called Instinct. It is an especially amazing gift that will always lead you in the right direction once you know how to truly listen to it.

Choose your option. Say it out loud. I am choosing to… xyz. This will make your choice clear and concise.

Walk forward and do not look back. You have made your choice, go with it and trust in yourself. What is so important here is to tell yourself it is going to be ok. If consequences slowly present themselves as not being in line with what you had intended, you can always consciously choose to make another choice! There it is, the beauty of it all, YOU are the one in control. And if you feel you made a mistake, then you have to forgive yourself because you made the best decision you could with the information at hand.

Whenever I slip back into that fearful mode, I remind myself that I rather take the bulls by the horn rather than the bull shoving his horns up my….well you know what I mean! I am making light of all of this but sometimes it isn’t funny at all. Some decisions are so difficult to make because many different factors have to be taken into account and many people may be affected by the results. But the cold hard truth of the matter is there is a difference between choosing to take your time in making a decision and pretending like you have valid reasons for not making a choice. 

Life is just a constant series of choices presented. Think about it, from the second you wake up until the moment you lay your head on the pillow, how many decisions did you have to make? It is constant, from simple choices with insignificant consequences to huge choices that can be life altering. If we have to go through life fearing making choices, fearing making mistakes and fearing regret then life will be a lot more stressful than it already is. Sometimes life takes charge and makes choices for us, in an instant, like when tragedy hits. A college friend of mine was recently tragically killed in a car accident. Although I was not very close to him, I think of him now quite often. His journey ending so hastily is a constant reminder of time fleeting. I don’t want to waste my brief time here fearing my choices. I want to charge forward in life, enjoying my journey, believing in myself and growing as a person. And if I am going to have to make mistakes along the way for that to happen then so be it! Whatever I feel may have been a “bad” choice will only be a tattoo of strength and courage I will wear with pride. Besides, what really is a “bad” choice anyways?  One of my favorite quotes is by William Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so”.