The Fallen Forest Tree & Self Expression

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" This is a question that has been asked by many philosophers over time, beginning as early as the 1600s. Now, though I am no philosopher (but just a woman sitting at a computer in my cubicle of an advertising agency), I am pondering this question and how it relates to self-expression. Ok, so you are probably asking now, "How in the world does this tree falling philosophical question have anything to do with self-expression?"  It has led me to ask this : "If an artist creates for purposes of self-expression and that art is never shared, then has the artist self-expressed?"

I just watched Steve Job's Stanford Commencement Speech from 2005 on YouTube. I had heard it before, several times in fact, but this time something resonated. Actually it was more like Steve Jobs stretched out of the computer monitor and slapped me across the face, driving me straight into an epiphany.

Amongst the many great things he said, I saddened when I heard him say, "You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

I wanted to start crying. My heart ached at these words as "DON'T SETTLE" kept repeating in my ears like an annoying repetitive techno song. I felt emotional because he had struck my chord of pain. He had said the words my subconscious has been saying to me all my life but I keep kicking her to the back of the room because what she was pestering me to do was too difficult...too challenging...too scary. Still, finding my passion has been a hunger in the depths of my stomach that has never been satisfied. It has always led me into restlessness and annoyance of myself for not really knowing what my true passion is. If I knew my passion then maybe I could follow it, become really good at it and make a lot of money off of it. "What kind of person doesn't know what they love to do?", I ask myself in disgust! So I would think it through and it would go something like this...."well I love to dance but that's only when I can dance to the music I like and do my own thing. When I'm asked to follow choreography my brain shuts down and I have two left feet. I love to sing but that's only good for me and my car because anyone else may consider it a punishment to have to listen to me for more than 30 seconds. I love helping people but I'm also impatient so it probably wouldn't be a good idea to work with old people or children"... and so it would go on and on this way as I would beat up my initial idea to a pulp with a bat that was my over thinking brain.

Being that when I listened to the Jobs speech this last time I was at work (on a break of course), and I wanted desperately to know what it is I love to do, but didn't have the time to ponder on it, I simply wrote this to my friend at work who had sent me the link in the first place:

From: Madison Emami
Sent: Monday, August 20, 2012 1:56 PM
To: Shirin

Subject: Thanks Shirin, you led me to think this.... 

Steve Jobs said, “You have to find what you love”. This is something I have struggled with all my life. He also said “ follow your curiosity, follow your intuition”…so without thinking I answer the question: what is it that I love? 

I LOVE SELF EXPRESSION 

I LOVE MUSIC

I LOVE DANCE

I LOVE WRITING

I LOVE SINGING 

I love all the things that are best when someone is courageous enough to put out their heart, splatter it all over for the world to see. Vulnerability is at the core of true self- expression and is absolutely precious. 

Everything I love most is a form of self-expression. 

Self -expression frees the soul. It connects everyone and everything. But most importantly, it connects us to our highest self and to our divinity.

 

Woah!! Where the heck did that come from?!! There it was...simple and to the point. There was nothing to beat it up with. There were no excuses, no hundreds of questions waiting like armed soldiers to kill it down. The answer was there staring right at me after years of searching for it. For the first time I answered the question of what it is I love because I did not connect it to further questions of what I would do with these interests or how I would make money off these interests. I simply stated what it is I love. That's it. As plain as vanilla ice cream only I felt like there was a fusion of chunks of brownies, snickers and peanut butter goodies hiding inside.

 

As a child I loved to read and to write. I wrote sporadically, sometimes grabbing the first thing I could write on like a chewing gum wrapper or a napkin so I could scribble down the words released in my head by some inspiration. The words always came to me like waves of water from a released damn. Now as an adult (am I really an adult now? shit!) I still write when inspiration hits. I love to write poetry and song lyrics. And what I remember most about writing was that as soon as I finished writing I would immediately want to share it with someone. It really didn't matter who I shared it with. I just wanted to make someone feel the way I did when I read it. Unfortunately, I never received the enthusiasm I was longing for by my readers. Don't get me wrong, everyone always said it was really good or that I should do something with my writing, but no one ever really had that look on their face that said "Wow, you just really moved me!" And so, I questioned myself. I wondered if I was really ever that good of a writer. I wondered why the heck I had to run and show off my writing to people who wouldn't understand it or wouldn't appreciate it or wouldn't praise it the way I wanted them to. For a long while it made me write much less. And then when I did write, I tried very hard not to share it.

 

So now I'm back to that moment when I came across the question I always found intriguing "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" That is when I wondered to myself, "If  I am inspired to write and yet never share my work, then did my writing ever really exist? And if it did exist, what good would it be?"

 

I recognize now that for whatever odd reason, I have a wild hunger, an undeniable desire for self expression. This is why I write. I need to escape the cage that society sometimes traps us in. Everyone has their own way of releasing themselves from this cage, I do it by writing. This could ring true for any art form or passion in life. It can be true for a painter, a dancer, a software programmer, an architect, an inventor...if you do not make use of or share with others what drives you, then you are stifling your true passion.

 

So then came my epiphany: If I am writing to self-express and yet I do not share what I have wrote, then have I truly expressed myself? I think not! That's when Mr. Job's welcomed slap in the face made me exclaim to myself "WRITE!!" I know deep down in my gut that I was meant to write. You may like what I write and you may not. But as my coworker emphasized to me after my email to her, it doesn't matter if what I write touches everyone the way I hope it would. What is most important is that I have expressed myself and shared my passion. I have given myself the opportunity to feel the amazing rush of invoking someones emotion.  If I happen to touch just one person in either a profound or simple way, then it will be an incredible gift to my soul.

 

From now on, I will continue to write and share my heart. My words will be raw as I will continue to put myself in a place of vulnerability. I will do this for both myself and my reader. It will be the price I pay to follow my passion, to never settle for less than that which makes me feel joy. I will  courageously splatter my heart in pieces amongst your feet in hopes that you shall pick up a piece. If you are kind enough to do so, I hope it shines brightly in your hands and directs you to your true passion.