Do Not Stop, For Emergencies Only

Do Not Stop, For Emergencies Only

When I drove by this traffic sign this morning, I could not help but think that this describes the mentality of most women I know today: Do Not Stop, For Emergencies Only. Could it very possibly be the subconscious mantra of today's American woman? If you are a man reading this don't get discouraged, if you continue reading you will either get a good laugh at our expense or you may actually learn something about the species you find so desirable and intolerable at the same time.

Women can't seem to put on the brakes lately, or even cruise in neutral for that matter! The general mentality of American women today is GO, GO, GO! There is always so much we need to do. Which, by the way I challenge you to review and compare the definitions of these two words, then, revisit that "to-do" list of yours and clarify which ones you need to do versus which ones you want to do!  AND with all that "needs" to be done, we need to be perfect at it all! We need to be the perfect mothers to our children, the perfect employee or business owner, the perfect wife, girlfriend, lover, friend, the perfect children to our parents. If we stop, I'm sure most of us women feel the world will end as we know it, because who is going to pick up the slack? I'm biting my tongue here in case testosterone is flowing through my reader but I think a woman would know where I'm going with this! And no, I am not PMS'ing...why is it that every time a woman offers an opinion that a man doesn't like he asks if she is PMS'ing?!!

We are attempting to bulldoze through life lately, continuously marching on through raising children in a confusing society, maintaining healthy relationships while everyone is earning emotional baggage by the minute, and taking care of aging parents during a time when we ourselves are being stretched physically and emotionally in so many directions. We have to constantly be progressing in our careers or making money through entrepreneurial channels to maintain our independence, significance and livelihood. And all the while, don't forget, we need to stay healthy, fit and attractive because as a woman we are still initially judged by our looks. Well, in reality, I will be the first to admit that we judge ourselves more than anyone else does.

If all this wasn't enough, our expectations are monumental in being eager to constantly improve ourselves spiritually, mentally and physically. Woman typically are harder on themselves than anyone else would be. Is it not frequently that you hear a woman say things like "I need to lose weight,  I need to spend more quality time with my children, I need to be more desirable to my husband, I need to keep the house cleaner, I need to make more money"? If you are a man, you may not hear a woman actually say this but instead you may see her act grouchy, lash out for the tiniest thing or she may criticize you. The truth is women sometimes act intolerable to mask feelings of inadequacy and hurt that we impose upon ourselves.

So I am going to give away my age here, (but I was young...very VERY young!!), when a TV commercial for a perfume called Enjolie came out. The tune to that commercial to this day still rings in my ears when I am embraced with the "I can do it all!" feeling. The lyrics went like this:

I can put the wash on the line,

Feed the kids, get dressed,

pass out the kisses

and get to work by five to nine.

I can bring home the bacon,

fry it up in a pan

and never, never, never let you forget your a man.......cause I'm a woman.....Enjoli.

I think those lyrics sum it all up, wouldn't you say? What is it that makes women in today's society feel they NEED to do everything and do it PERFECTLY? What are we trying to prove?! Would we ever be so harsh on anyone as we are to ourselves? There will be no time to breath, you can not stop, unless there is an emergency. And that emergency amounts to being physically worn down. That is the point where your body shuts down and is pretty much yelling at you saying "Hey lady! Enough is enough already!! Slow the $%# down!"

I smirk at myself as I write this and glance over to a notepad where I had jotted down a list of things I think I should be doing to improve my life as I was feeling very disappointed in myself for my recent lack of follow through. Ironically it is titled "Being Perfect"! Apparently I am no different. Is it not in flaws and imperfections that beauty is found? Oh oh, that 21st century voice in my head just shouted in response "Not in this world, Sista!!"...and somehow I think she did a three-snaps up in z-formation while she said that!

Maybe it is just in a woman's nature to be this way. We were created with an inherent desire and ability to nurture, to take care of those around us. Inherently for men, this is precisely one of the characteristics that draws them to women. And if a man has one up on all his buddies, he knows that a way to a woman's heart is to nurture and take care of her. I don't care how big of a feminist you are, deep down inside there is a warmth that fills the female soul when she feels she is appreciated for all that she does, that she is desired, that she is loved and that she is cared for.

Elizabeth Gould Davis was quoted to say: "To the "feminist" of both sexes, femininity is synonymous with the eternal female principle, connoting strength, integrity, wisdom, justice, dependability, and a psychic power foreign and therefore dangerous to the plodding masculists of both sexes."

For every woman (and man) who dedicates their life to adhering to these principles, I applaud you. In the same breath, I would like to say that I think we all need to be reminded to forgive ourselves for not being perfect once in a while. Maybe we could forgive ourselves for sending our child off to school with a tiny stain on their shirt for one day. What is more important is that they feel loved and protected. Maybe we can forgive oursleves for earning those pesty fine lines around our eyes. Instead maybe we could praise ourselves in the mirror in gratitude of being in this world for another day.  Maybe we can excuse ourselves for being too tired when our other half was very indiscreetly fantasizing that we were his favorite Victoria Secret model. What's more important is that on the toughest days you and your better half can still find ways to laugh together.

All I'm saying is....Don't wait for the emergency, it's ok to stop once in a while.

      

The Fallen Forest Tree & Self Expression

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" This is a question that has been asked by many philosophers over time, beginning as early as the 1600s. Now, though I am no philosopher (but just a woman sitting at a computer in my cubicle of an advertising agency), I am pondering this question and how it relates to self-expression. Ok, so you are probably asking now, "How in the world does this tree falling philosophical question have anything to do with self-expression?"  It has led me to ask this : "If an artist creates for purposes of self-expression and that art is never shared, then has the artist self-expressed?"

I just watched Steve Job's Stanford Commencement Speech from 2005 on YouTube. I had heard it before, several times in fact, but this time something resonated. Actually it was more like Steve Jobs stretched out of the computer monitor and slapped me across the face, driving me straight into an epiphany.

Amongst the many great things he said, I saddened when I heard him say, "You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

I wanted to start crying. My heart ached at these words as "DON'T SETTLE" kept repeating in my ears like an annoying repetitive techno song. I felt emotional because he had struck my chord of pain. He had said the words my subconscious has been saying to me all my life but I keep kicking her to the back of the room because what she was pestering me to do was too difficult...too challenging...too scary. Still, finding my passion has been a hunger in the depths of my stomach that has never been satisfied. It has always led me into restlessness and annoyance of myself for not really knowing what my true passion is. If I knew my passion then maybe I could follow it, become really good at it and make a lot of money off of it. "What kind of person doesn't know what they love to do?", I ask myself in disgust! So I would think it through and it would go something like this...."well I love to dance but that's only when I can dance to the music I like and do my own thing. When I'm asked to follow choreography my brain shuts down and I have two left feet. I love to sing but that's only good for me and my car because anyone else may consider it a punishment to have to listen to me for more than 30 seconds. I love helping people but I'm also impatient so it probably wouldn't be a good idea to work with old people or children"... and so it would go on and on this way as I would beat up my initial idea to a pulp with a bat that was my over thinking brain.

Being that when I listened to the Jobs speech this last time I was at work (on a break of course), and I wanted desperately to know what it is I love to do, but didn't have the time to ponder on it, I simply wrote this to my friend at work who had sent me the link in the first place:

From: Madison Emami
Sent: Monday, August 20, 2012 1:56 PM
To: Shirin

Subject: Thanks Shirin, you led me to think this.... 

Steve Jobs said, “You have to find what you love”. This is something I have struggled with all my life. He also said “ follow your curiosity, follow your intuition”…so without thinking I answer the question: what is it that I love? 

I LOVE SELF EXPRESSION 

I LOVE MUSIC

I LOVE DANCE

I LOVE WRITING

I LOVE SINGING 

I love all the things that are best when someone is courageous enough to put out their heart, splatter it all over for the world to see. Vulnerability is at the core of true self- expression and is absolutely precious. 

Everything I love most is a form of self-expression. 

Self -expression frees the soul. It connects everyone and everything. But most importantly, it connects us to our highest self and to our divinity.

 

Woah!! Where the heck did that come from?!! There it was...simple and to the point. There was nothing to beat it up with. There were no excuses, no hundreds of questions waiting like armed soldiers to kill it down. The answer was there staring right at me after years of searching for it. For the first time I answered the question of what it is I love because I did not connect it to further questions of what I would do with these interests or how I would make money off these interests. I simply stated what it is I love. That's it. As plain as vanilla ice cream only I felt like there was a fusion of chunks of brownies, snickers and peanut butter goodies hiding inside.

 

As a child I loved to read and to write. I wrote sporadically, sometimes grabbing the first thing I could write on like a chewing gum wrapper or a napkin so I could scribble down the words released in my head by some inspiration. The words always came to me like waves of water from a released damn. Now as an adult (am I really an adult now? shit!) I still write when inspiration hits. I love to write poetry and song lyrics. And what I remember most about writing was that as soon as I finished writing I would immediately want to share it with someone. It really didn't matter who I shared it with. I just wanted to make someone feel the way I did when I read it. Unfortunately, I never received the enthusiasm I was longing for by my readers. Don't get me wrong, everyone always said it was really good or that I should do something with my writing, but no one ever really had that look on their face that said "Wow, you just really moved me!" And so, I questioned myself. I wondered if I was really ever that good of a writer. I wondered why the heck I had to run and show off my writing to people who wouldn't understand it or wouldn't appreciate it or wouldn't praise it the way I wanted them to. For a long while it made me write much less. And then when I did write, I tried very hard not to share it.

 

So now I'm back to that moment when I came across the question I always found intriguing "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" That is when I wondered to myself, "If  I am inspired to write and yet never share my work, then did my writing ever really exist? And if it did exist, what good would it be?"

 

I recognize now that for whatever odd reason, I have a wild hunger, an undeniable desire for self expression. This is why I write. I need to escape the cage that society sometimes traps us in. Everyone has their own way of releasing themselves from this cage, I do it by writing. This could ring true for any art form or passion in life. It can be true for a painter, a dancer, a software programmer, an architect, an inventor...if you do not make use of or share with others what drives you, then you are stifling your true passion.

 

So then came my epiphany: If I am writing to self-express and yet I do not share what I have wrote, then have I truly expressed myself? I think not! That's when Mr. Job's welcomed slap in the face made me exclaim to myself "WRITE!!" I know deep down in my gut that I was meant to write. You may like what I write and you may not. But as my coworker emphasized to me after my email to her, it doesn't matter if what I write touches everyone the way I hope it would. What is most important is that I have expressed myself and shared my passion. I have given myself the opportunity to feel the amazing rush of invoking someones emotion.  If I happen to touch just one person in either a profound or simple way, then it will be an incredible gift to my soul.

 

From now on, I will continue to write and share my heart. My words will be raw as I will continue to put myself in a place of vulnerability. I will do this for both myself and my reader. It will be the price I pay to follow my passion, to never settle for less than that which makes me feel joy. I will  courageously splatter my heart in pieces amongst your feet in hopes that you shall pick up a piece. If you are kind enough to do so, I hope it shines brightly in your hands and directs you to your true passion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let's Go For A Walk

If you feel sluggish, tired, stressed or just agitated (and maybe your not even sure why) try stepping outside. The birth of spring has created the most amazing distraction to your mental blocks. I went for a walk this morning with my ipod and as I played my favorite high energy music I couldn't help but feel a sense of joy and peace as I took note of the birds chirping away as if they were singing to my music. The flowers are all blooming and it reminds me that nothing stays the same, not the good, and gratefully not the bad.


As a started my walk, though I enjoyed the pleasant day, I was troubled by my usual thoughts that distract me from joy...my worries about the future, my anxieties of all there is to come, my focus on the past and how I could have done (or should have done) things differently.


For a moment, I slip into my own world. A dream state where I imagine life as I wish it could be in this very moment. Some of my thoughts are realistic as they very well may possibly become reality in the near future. Other thoughts are more like what most people would call a "dream" or "fantasy". As what I thought were a few mintutes that had past but was in actuality almost an hour, I had walked 3 miles breathing in fresh air and the wildly beautiful smell of sweet jasmine. I had managed to change my mental and physical state on accident. By moving and actively increasing my body's blood circulation I had secreted seratonin in my body (which by the way is what is in anti-depressants along with a buch of chemical crap!). As well I had motivated my spirit with pleasant thoughts of great health, success and joy. 


As I realized I was only steps away from returning home I felt this great sense of happiness and "lightness". All the problems I usually allow to weigh myself down with had floated away and I felt invinceable!


So if you can get yourself to just put one of your feet past the threshold of your doorstep out into nature, most likely the other foot will follow. And then so will your mind and then so will your spirit. Walking and being immersed in nature's beauty is a simple, very affordable and extremely enjoyable way of living a healthy life.


Let's go for a walk and enjoy our wellness! The greatest way I think of showing God for my appreciation of my health is to be active and to take advantage of the blessing of movement and activity. Be thankful for your health and prove your thankful!